I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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