i think i have herpe
just one?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
