so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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