You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
