Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
