i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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