Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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