Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.