I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.