I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed