vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
