OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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