I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.