Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
