He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
