this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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