I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
