Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
