I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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