Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
