and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
