He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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