my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
