I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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