My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
