You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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