HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
