Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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