is your mom at the bar?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
