Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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