I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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