SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
