i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
