i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
