ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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