I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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