you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Panties = found
Randomize
