haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize