You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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