laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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