So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
