I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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