Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
