Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
