Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
