it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
