I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
