I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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