I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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