I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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