You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
