ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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