2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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