Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
