Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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