nut hugger
I love black thongs
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
