All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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