So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You made out with two different species that night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
