she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
