im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
