it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my poor anus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
