i think i have two assholes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
