She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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