So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
