Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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